Dating and other bad habits.

Sometimes in the dating world we screw up. I am the queen of something we call the “over booking.” I accidentally double up or triple up on the awesome, thinking that I can actually be in seven places at once,  and then have to decide between my best friends and my man of the moment.  This is an exceptionally problematic issue with the busy and/or the disorganized.

Often the truth is too ridiculous not to share–if the story involves a penguin, a pirate, a unicorn, getting arrested, or any or all combination of the above–then please, speak the truth. Queen Carol used the following excuse recently to miss a dinner party and honesty worked in her favor.

“Ace had a 2 for 1 paint sale and I decided to re-paint my dining room and kitchen, which took way more time and energy than I expected,” her groveling email of apology read.

“I kept meaning to drop the roller and head over, but it was always, just that one little section more… This went on until 3 AM. Then all day yesterday. Today, I can’t move my neck, but the dining room looks great, and the kitchen looks half-great. It might look half-great for several months, while I try to overcome my disdain for blue painters’ tape.”

I mean seriously, she had to repaint her kitchen–Ace had a paint sale! It’s not like she had a headache or was washing her hair or needed to clean her dishwasher. The gods of weather and bargains smiled favorably upon our dear Uma Thurman look alike.

And while honesty is the best policy there are certain times when saying:

“Well, I like insert-name-of-really-awesome-person-here better than you, so I’d rather hang out with him/her/it,” will just get you twat-swatted or kneed in the balls.

And you won’t get far with:

“I know I promised we’d go to a-place-or-thing-you’re-really-excited-about-doing-or-going-to, but who knew insert-favorite-team-or-reality-show-contestant was going to make the playoffs/finals?” because God loves us and that’s why He/She/It gave us the DVR.

So if you must cancel, try to do it with a little style and grace. Blame yourself or blame others (but never ever never blame your date).

It’s times like these that we once again turn to Carol for her bevvy of awesome and fancy excuses. Like this one:

“St. Jude’s just called, and my marrow is a match for a terminally ill orphan with only 3 days to live. But I’ll hook up a web cam from my hospital bed so we can at least honor your birth together until I’m able to fly back and shower you with presents, exotic flowers, and dairy-free desserts.”

I mean who wouldn’t swoon and sigh and say “Okay, I understand” with that one? Finding the orphan will be the easy part.